Robert Pattinson and The Mass Murdering Marxist Guerilla

So I'm scouring the internet looking for a Rob fix,

and what do I come across?

Rob and Kristen together at the airport.

Sweet.

Robsten.

But wait...

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

Is that Che Guevara that Rob's sporting?

I had to take a closer look...

Rob NOOOOOOOOO!!!

deflated.

That's how I felt when I zoomed in on Rob's shirt.

The man of my obsession,

the one that makes me smile just by looking at his smile,

the man who brought my beloved Edward Cullen to life...

was wearing a Che Guevara t-shirt.

Not a "Just Che No" t-shirt.

but the famous rebel Che t-shirt.

The Real Che Guevara

  Che Guevara...

Brutal mass murderer.

Marxist.

Born Ernesto Lynch.

That's right, not even fucking Cuban.

This socialist motherfucker was born in Argentina.

to wealthy parents (nice kicker huh?)

This "freedom fighter" for Cuba,

wasn't even a Cuban citizen. 

Rob and Guevara...

Why should it matter, you ask?

Because I feel so passionately about both.

Rob... I love.

Guevara...

  I hope that motherfucker is rotting in hell.

I feel like...like...

Flashback: 1975

Donny Osmond, 

my future husband,

is singing "Go away little girl" on the record player.

In walks Catholic Mom...

"Did you know Donny Osmond's a Mormon?"...